Tradition sought a date with ethical consumerism at the annual White House Easter Egg Roll where eggs used for the event were certified by APPPA (Americans Pastured Poultry Producers' Association) as having been laid by free range chickens. Problems ensued during the hiding phase when the eggs failed to stay in the places where White House staffers had hidden them. Rather they freely rolled about the grounds searching for the security of warm feathery bottoms under which to hide. Secret Service agents managed to flush them out with paint gun pellets. No injuries were reported.
The White House Easter Egg Roll has been held on the South lawn every Monday following Easter since 1878. No substantiation could be made for the claim that eggs were found dating back to the Nixon administration. The discovery of microphone chips glued to the bottoms of some eggs was determined to be purely coincidental.
The event took on a global flavor when refreshments were served. Egg rolls imported from China were the main feature. Lead paint chips tucked inside cabbage leaves and rolled in an egg-based pastry were fried in giant vats of trans-fatted oil.
"Not to worry," insisted the White House's Chief of Chefs. "These oils contain 15% ethanol made from the finest mid-American corn. No cholesterols whatsoever! Good for the heart, flow freely through the arteries and don't pollute the environment."
Special guest Al Gore, taking a break from promoting his upcoming book, "An Incongruous Truth", paused between bites of his egg roll to offer his opinion.
"You know. I just love these things dipped in a little bit of mustard gas. Mmmmm." He exclaimed, taking a gulp from a Pharma-Philly water bottle.
Al Gore was on hand to autograph copies of his newly recorded CD, "Al Gore Rhythms" which he said he wrote during his extensive work creating the internet.