Top US lawmaker Nancy Pelosi and the spiritual leader of Tibet, the Dalai Lama, are "romantically involved", and a threat to East/West relations, according to a source deep inside China.
Jem Bon, a Chinese Secret Service agent, made the astonishing claim to Hello magazine, and said that the Speaker of the House of Representatives was, likely as not, pregnant with the hermit's child.
Pelosi flew into Dharamsala on Friday morning to a tumultuous red-carpet welcome from a small group of monks, and a rather larger gathering of Chinese military personnel, and was whisked away in a rickshaw driven by the Lama himself.
China has objected to the intervention of Ms Pelosi, and to her comments on China's "appalling" Human Rights record. Doctor Ge Da Phuk, of the Chinese Foreign Ministry, said:
"Our Human Rights record is better than those of many Western countries, including the US and UK. Fuck you."
Asked about Mr Bon's claim that she had been romantically linked with the Lama, Ms Pelosi retorted:
"That's sick. And unbelievable. Almost as sick and unbelievable as some of the bullshit the US government asks its people to swallow."