Written by ZiaUl-Hack
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Saturday, 1 May 2004

(Boston) Democratic presidential candidate John F. Kerry met today with North Carolina Senator John Edwards for several hours, fueling speculation that he was considering the boyish-looking legislator for a cabinet position. When questioned after the meeting, however, Kerry would state only that his discussion with Edwards pertained to an "unspecified legal matter".

Edwards, who before taking public office had been a wildly successful plaintiffs' personal injury and medical malpractice lawyer, stated that the matter was "confidential" and refused further comment.

A Kerry campaign source, however, speculated that the discussion between the two senators may have concerned certain cosmetic procedures Kerry is alleged to have undergone in the relatively recent past.

Kerry again denied that he had ever had any cosmetic surgery at all, calling the allegations "scurrilous and unworthy of comment." He did however admit that he had "formally retained Mr. Edwards' services". Kerry further disclosed that he had borrowed $1500.00 from his wife to give to Edwards "to have an expert review the records at the outset."

When asked what sort of records the expert would be reviewing, Kerry angrily replied, "why not look at Bush's National Guard attendance records?"

Seizing on this, incumbent George W. Bush promptly pointed out that "if Congress had just gone along with all of my tort reform initiatives, all doctors, including the dedicated plastic surgeons who tried their best to do a good Botox job on Kerry's face, would probably be completely immune from any sort of suit whatever."

Massachusetts has a three-year statute of limitations for medical malpractice actions.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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