Written by Barry Davidson
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Topics: Aliens, Abduction

Monday, 24 March 2008

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Alien Abductor or CIA Operative?

In a previous report, we likened terrorist abductions by the CIA to alien abductions. Following that report, thousands of emails were received asking us to explain.

"How could you compare the two," asked one person with the email name, AlienzRreal. "At least alien abductions are real, as we've proven hundreds of times over the decades."

When asked to comment, General Michael V. Hayden, director of the Central Intelligence Agency said, "I would believe the stories of alien abductees before the allegations that the CIA kidnapped them."

Following other email messages, we decided it would be best to back up our hypothesis.

According to abductionist cults, aliens crashed at Roswell, New Mexico, in 1947. The U.S. Government then recovered an alien craft and its occupants, and even now aliens are taking citizens to perform sexual experiments.

When someone is abducted, according to numerous reports, they see a bright light followed by loud noise and wind. They feel a slight pain, and then wake up naked, strapped to a table. Over the course or hours or days, the abducted is injected many more times and has foreign objects put into their orifices. Eventually they are left in some remote location with very little memory of what happened to them, except for the sexual torture and drugged feeling.

A retired USAF Colonel, who talked on the condition that we not use his name, shared his abduction story. "At first I thought it was my friends playing a joke. After a few minutes I know it wasn't them. I was in a room of sorts, surrounded by bright lights. I was naked, and felt like I had a hangover. There were low voices, but I couldn't make them out. A little green man then came into the room, blindfolded me, and began inserting something into my rectum. After a few days, I found myself back on base laying in a field naked. I'd heard other stories like mine, but those other officers had lost their commissions when they reported it."

This story is not unique. This reporter has found thousands of accounts that match the above account almost identically. While credible people have come forward, all of the stories are dismissed.

Stories that are given the benefit of the doubt and accepted as real are terrorist abduction stories. These stories are almost identical, except more embellishment is added to add credibility. Musama Abdala Kalid Muhammed allowed the The Spoof to interview him.

"I was alone, when this bright light came. Then there was a lot of noise and wind. I felt a slight pain, like a needle, and then blacked out. When I woke up, I was naked and strapped to a table. There were bright lights all over the room, so it was hard to see. Then a little man in green approached me. I felt another pin prick, was blindfolded, and then something was inserted into my rectum. I could hear what sounded like voices, but I could not understand what they were saying. After many days of this treatment, I awoke one day outside my village. My head hurt very badly, and I was lying in the dirt naked. After hearing another story like mine, I searched out other people this had happened to. That's when I was approached by an ACLU lawyer. They told me it was the CIA, and that I could get money out of the American government."

Are alien abductees taking the next logical route to have their stories believed? It's the opinion of this reporter that money often overrides a person's ability to tell the truth.

It's the opinion of President George Bush, "These terrorists are only using an old story that liberals and crazies will listen to. They have their own agendas, and heaven help the US if they succeed."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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