Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: Hillary Clinton

Sunday, 16 March 2008

image for Hillary's Never, Never Experience
"Give me all the votes."

Hillary said she has White House experience. So does Laura Bush. Said she passed the threshold. Bill carried her over the doorway on their wedding day? Said she played a role in bringing peace to Northern Ireland. Lord Trimble, recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize for the Belfast Accord, said that was "silly" and Hillary's only role was of a cheerleader. Ouch.

Now she says S-CHIP was her initiative! "I helped start," the State Children's Health Insurance Program, or S-CHIP. S-CHIP is her baby? The Boston Globe, Google and now The Spoof say otherwise. Oops, she did it again. Where is her pastor?

Seems the Clinton White House fought the first S-CHIP measure, claiming it would inflate the budget. So much for children's health care! S-CHIP was a Congressional bipartisan effort, originated by Senators Edward Kennedy, of Massachusetts, and Orrin Hatch, of Utah.

Now current and former lawmakers say Hillary had no role in writing or passing S-CHIP legislation. Hatch generously said that she might have done some private advocacy - echoes of cheerleader? - but he wasn't aware of it. Ouch, again.

Some things we know Hillary did while in the White House: got rid of the unibrow, the headbands, traveled a lot, put on weight, took it off, put it on again, change her hair style; met a number of heads of state; fail to catch husband with the intern; had nothing to do with the Belfast Accord, or S-CHIP, only as cheerleader; moved out of the White House leaving family pet cat, Boots; never dance with John Travolta; and wore a black leather coat to George W. Bush's inauguration. Yikes.

Though Hillary has served in elected office for 7 years, Obama has served in elected office for 11 years. She voted in favor of the Iraq war. Obama was against it.

With megaphone in hand and asking, "Can you hear me now?" cheerleader Clinton is announcing - with a straight face - that the primary votes in both Florida and Michigan were legal and should be counted. Only problem is Obama's name was not on the ballot.

Wanted: Some of that straight face fire-water.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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