Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Friday, 14 March 2008

(New York-NY) Visitors to the New York Auto Show got more than their share of pimped out rides to compensate for fear of inadequate penis length and three thousand dollar rims spinning on five hundred dollar cars. Al Gore, crusader against global warming, self proclaimed inventor of the Internet and advocate of relaxed fit jeans pulled up in a fully customized H2 Hummer. The former Vice President and possible forty-third President of the United States entered his ride in the New York Auto Show's 2008 aftermarket exhibit.

Gore seemed out of place in a field of owners sporting clothing labels like Ecko, Rocca Wear and Sean John. Gore stood by his ride, vanity license plates "WASP 1", decked out in L.L. Bean clogs, Eddie Bauer khaki pants and a J.Crew buttoned down oxford shirt with Banana Republic anorak. The reason exhibit goers knew his clothing choice is because, unlike other custom car exhibitors, Gore, along with his car's stats, listed his cloth's stats. When asked why, his reply was simple: "I may have seen the light on global warming, but I'm still anal."

Though out of place in dress, his ride most certainly fit in with what in twenty-five years will be the catalyst for blizzards in July, roasting chestnuts on an open fire that happens to be a land fill spontaneously combusting to commemorate the birth of Jesus and the grand Canal of Broadway running up and down New York City's west side, though you won't get that from Gore. He was proud to say that "My girl might weigh a hefty thirty-five hundred pounds but she can go from zero to sixty in under 1.2 seconds." When asked by a reporter what the gas mileage of "WASP 1" was, Gore was quick to reply. "I don't really know. But let's just say that I'm now for the war in Iraq, Iran, Syria, Jordan and any other oil rich nation."

Organizer of the New York Auto Show aftermarket exhibit Candida Romanelli was at first shocked by Gore's phone call. "I really thought it was a prank by some Earth Liberation Front activist when my assistant said that Al Gore was on the phone." According to Romanelli, it seemed that his biggest fear wasn't being perceived as a hypocrite or that he might have to give back his Noble Peace prize. "He was concerned that he missed the deadline to enter "WASP 1", which he had. But once we confirmed it was the man who might be President, we bent the rules. Gore is also not worried about having to give back his Nobel Peace prize, since it is now part of "WASP 1's" hood. Gore commented on the award, "I knew it was good for something."

The obvious question, why? Why did Al Gore, champion of going green, turn so completely around? In answer, Gore simply turned to "WASP 1". "Look at her, and you still have to ask. And I haven't even cranked up the tunes yet." Asked if he had any regrets, he seemed to have one. "I wish I would have made the deadline for the exhibit; because even thought they let me in, I'm excluded from winning. But I'm used to getting cheated out of things." A final question of where he sees himself in ten years: "I don't know where; but wherever I'll be, I'll be really, really tan."

FACTOID: Sequel to "An Inconvenient Truth" to begin production. Working title: "A Place In The REALLY Hot Sun" .

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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