GETTYSBURG - Confronting accusations of "vague-speak" and weak stands on issues, Barack Obama electrified a packed Gettysburg, PA arena yesterday. Boldly stating his position on Iraq, Obama declared "War, my friends, is not my favorite thing."
The speech struck a universal chord with his believers.
"Oh my God!!" exclaimed one supporter who traveled from Sacramento to see her leader and would-be President. "I can so relate to what Barack said. War is not my favorite thing either. I'll bet Casablanca is his favorite movie too, just like me. He's awesome!"
Obama's historically forthright statement, which the media already likened to President Lincoln's 1863 Gettysburg Address delivered just a mile away, received a two-minute standing ovation from followers not passed out in celebratory jubilation.
In the awe-inspiring speech Obama attacked critics by claiming he will change America.
"America is hated more now than ever. I'm amazed we haven't experienced another 9-11 type terrorist attack. But America, I'm here to change that", exclaimed Obama.
Fox News reported that the statement contained one of Obama's 453 uses of some form of the word "change" during the 24-minute speech.
Fox's count excluded a riveting post-speech "change" verbalization. While passing a vending machine in a crowded stadium corridor, Obama asked a bystander for change, offering him a dollar bill. Immediately another ovation erupted, which one follower explained: "See! Barack don't want any 'ones'. That George Washington guy was a slave monger!"
The presidential candidate then rejected the bystander's four Washington-blazoned quarters, resulting in yet more deafening cheer.
Obama was last seen leaving the stadium, still seeking change.