Tempe, AZ - Presidential candidate John Sidney McCain angrily denounced Washington insiders and politicians in Congress, such as Senator McCain of Arizona.
"The McCain-Feingold Bill," denounced candidate John Sidney McCain, "Hampers the election effort of America's greatest patriot, myself. My campaign will not be stopped by arcane provisions of Senator McCain's bill, something that no-one could possibly understand. Did you ever try reading it? I sure didn't!"
Candidate John Sidney McCain also denounced Senator McCain's stand on taxes, immigration and many other issues.
Reaction was swift and positive. "Sidney rightly points out that the President should be allowed to torture prisoners," said New York Times White House Transcriptionist Judy Miller. "Sentimentalists like Senator McCain, who only last year opposed torture, must not be allowed to keep a President from imitating our worst enemies."
Democrats were predictably outraged. "I am proud of my work with Senator McCain," said Senator Kennedy, "And I hope Candidate John Sidney McCain will show more respect for such great legislation as the Kennedy-McCain Comprehensive Immigration Reform Act."
In related news, the American public struggled to keep from laughing out loud.