Written by Dan Bristol
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Thursday, 29 April 2004

image for Bush Decries "Fancy Book Learnin'"
President George W. Bush: "That Thar Book Learnin' Done Made Mah Head Hurt!"

Washington -- In an early afternoon press conference, President Bush defended his administration's stance on education cuts, citing executive duty to curtail "all that fancy book learnin'."

The President's statements comes in the wake of over four-hundred trillion dollars of budgetary reductions in the nation's schools, where, according to Bush, "Kids is gettin' they heads full of fancy book learnin' and gittin' to thinkin' they's better than they own kin." Instead of academic studies, the President has outlined his own education program, where schools would teach only shop classes, rodeo wrangling, and tractor-pulling.

President Bush, who has in the past publically admitted to never having read an entire book, stated that he doesn't "see the point of that thar readin', writin', and 'rithmetic. 'Specially since ah wants all them thar Americans to be diggin' ditches and all." The President went on, after swilling half a jug of moonshine, to say that "people with edumucations is gay, and they be sayin' nice thangs 'bout terrists, too, and not marryin' they kin likes they should."

Although the President's proposed budget cuts have drawn considerable fire from Congress, dissenters were promptly beaten with sticks by fat rednecks saying, "Squeal like a pig, boy!"

The President spent the remainder of the afternoon at Camp David, struggling through his favorite picture book entitled, "Curious George Marries His Cousin."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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