Vice President Dick (Dick) Cheney, who has been acting as the Administrations attack dog in the John Kerry military service controversy has suddenly found himself on the defensive after Mr. Kerry pointed out that the vitriolic veep had received four college deferments during the Vietnam Conflict while Senator Kerry received three Purple Hearts, a Bronze Star and a Silver Star for bravery.
In terms of national service political pundits are in unanimous agreement that three Hearts and a pair of Stars beat four Deferments any day, but Mr. Cheney countered,
"Kerry says I didn't fight during Vietnam? He obviously has no idea what you had to do to get those college deferments. Exams, writing papers, dorm parties and fraternity hazing's...God, it was hell. All Kerry did was take some shrapnel and survive a few firefights, the yellow bellied wimp. I almost drank myself to death."
President George ( I don't have to go, do I Daddy?) Bush has remained out of the fray, much as he remained out of National Guard duty in Texas during the war. New evidence has surfaced that his lack of service in the Texas Air National Guard was actually the decision of his Guard Commanding Officer. Speaking anonymously, the President Bush's CO said, "Think about it...would you want George Bush flying a military jet above your head, even unarmed? I don't think so. I figured the best thing to do was get his teeth fixed, give him a paycheck and send him to Alabama. Of course, Alabama tried to send him back, but that wasn't gonna happen."
(This story approved by Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse)