WASHINGTON D.C - FBI Chief Robert S. Mueller, III announced today that the entire 9-11 "Truth Movement" has secured the number one slot (just ahead of Usama Bin Laden) as the most vicious and heinous enemy to public safety since the days of John Dillinger.
Everything from firecrackers thrown at Army recruitment centers to that lost sock you can't find at the end of a rinse cycle is being blamed on the aptly named "Truthers" whose reign of terror began some four odd years ago with that first question posed during a march on Senator Diane Feinstein's (D)-CA office in January of 2004.
"These questions must be stopped at all costs" warns Mueller "lest government as we know it ceases to exist"
Questions, and more particularly, the symbol for a question posed at the end of a sentence: "?" has now been classified as a "Class A" weapon along with most explosives and assault rifles.
The FBI asserts that some very prominent figures have been assaulted with questions over the past few years and that the epidemic seems to be rising at an alarming rate.
Just recently, a 9/11 "Truther" was arrested following a bloody assault of a single question posed at former President Bill Clinton.
"Interrupting speeches given by tyrants may be something we would have tolerated during the American Revolution" adds Mueller "but it certainly has no place in today's dictatorship"
Further charges are expected to be filed against the alleged "Truther" for possession of a dangerous sign.
"Signs can pose a serious threat" claims Mueller "because they have four very pointed corners and can put out an eye if tipped at the wrong angle"
But not all signs are dangerous.
"Signs bearing names of accepted public figures pose no serious problem" Mueller explains "but when you weigh them down with words like "Ron Paul" and "Inside Job" they could become quite hazardous"
Though not everyone agrees that the 9/11 "Truth Movement" deserves such notoriety, those in the Neo-Conservative press applaud the FBI's announcement.
"It's high time" says FOX NEWS regular Geraldo Rivera "I haven't been so excited since the day I found Hitler's cryogenically frozen brain and the "Lost Ark of the Covenant" inside Al Capone's vault"
Those concerned with the legality of the FBI's position against the 9/11 "Truth Movement" align themselves with the first amendment and it's protection of "free speech".
When asked to comment on this constitutional provision and it's relation to the "Bill of Rights", Mueller responded by asking "Bill O' Who? I know Bill O' Reilly but I don't know about no Bill O' Rights"