Washington, DC - Jimmy Carter is the latest to throw his hat into the ring for the Democratic Party Presidential nomination this week. He made his decision after attending a strategy meeting, the same meeting that AL Gore attended earlier in the day called by Democratic bigwigs on how to bring the party together without disenfranchising voters. Just like Al Gore, Jimmy Carter walked out of that meeting as well.
Shortly thereafter, Jimmy Carter called a press conference to announce his candidacy for the Democratic Presidential Nomination.
"Jimmy Carter attended the meeting in good faith, hoping to unite the Democratic Party like he has done on so many occasions in war torn regions of the world fraught with malice, corruption and contempt for democracy, " said a spokesperson for Carter. "However, when he heard for himself what the Democratic Party leadership was proposing to do to make Hillary Clinton the presidential nominee, he had to get out of there and run for President himself to try to change things for the better."
"I'll build a new house for the Democratic Party," said Carter, wearing a pair blue faded overalls at the press conference. "Because this one is too divided, made out of cards and ready to fall."
Furthermore, Carter promised to hold back inflation with price freezes and lower prices at the pump by reinstating gas rationing.
"I can bring back the good times," concluded Carter. "Just like on that sitcom, 'That '70s TV Show.' So send your polyester suits to the cleaners and get out you roller skates because it's time to get down on it and boogie on the Disco dance floor."
However, Carter critics contend that his fiscal policy is nothing more than foolishness when he could simply buy a new at a foreclosure sale for half as much.
"Besides in this mortgage market, what's he going to finance it with? His good will?" said a Carter critic.