At a rancorous debate this afternoon, Hillary Clinton and Barak Obama went from simple name-calling to hair pulling with Obama soundly defeating his Democratic rival.
Clinton started the fiasco by calling Obama a "know nothing pinhead". Obama countered with calling Hillary a "menopausal bitch". At this point Clinton ran from her podium and attempted to grab Obama's hair. The shaven-pate Obama then grabbed Hillary by her locks and slammed her face into his podium.
"It's not fair", a battered and bruised Hillary said after the debate. "His hair is cut down to his scalp!"
Political analysts have called Obama's head shaving an act of 'sheer genius' . Democrats in previous elections have found their tresses mangled at the end of a campaign but Obama will not have to worry.
"He has no need for barbers, hair gel, curling irons or even shampoo!" said political consultant Dan Payne. "He just pops out of the shower and he's good to go! Meanhwhile Hillary spends 3 hours on her hair every morning only to have Obama grab it and slam her into a table!"
"I have been prepared for this since day one", Obama claimed. "I knew she would try the hair pulling tactic. I've been keeping my head shaved for just such an event".
Issues such as poverty, health care, global warming, international unrest, terrorism, the Iraq war, the mortgage crisis, and other issues were not discussed at the debate.