Written by Tiki Murphy
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Topics: School, Language

Friday, 7 March 2008

image for New Languages to Be Taught in Schools.
Bringing the country closer together.

During the past few months, school boards across the nation have been in meetings. The topic of these meetings? The new language course curriculum. Spanish, French, German, and in some schools Japanese will still be taught. But with the breakdown in communications, and the extent to which America suffers from a major language barrier, other languages will be added. The schools will also have adult language classes, that will be taught during the evenings.

"We are still hammering out the details, such as, if any languages will be mandatory," says one of the attending Superintendants.

"We really have to thank whoever it was that came up with the idea to teach Ebonics. Can't remember who it was, Rev. Jesse somebody or something. Don't pay much attention to that stuff. But it sparked an idea, and all you really need is an idea to spark an idea. That's how we do things down here in Arkansas. I hope this has the impact that we are looking for. 'Forwarding communications between our communities,' that's what they told us at the seminar," says Principle Jeb McCoy.

The new classes will be as such: Ghetto, Street, Suburbian, Hillbilly, Hick, Valley, Surfer, and Snob.

"Yes some of these sound like they are the same language, but there are distinct differences in their dialect. So, yes, there is a difference between Hillbilly and Hick, Ghetto and Street, and so forth," explains renowned linguist, Shelly Marks.

Now for the adult classes that will be offered, Ms. Marks and local law enforcement will be there to teach the parents and faculty.

"The languages they will be learning are: IM, Teen Male, and Teen Female. They will also be learning how to work a computer, cell phone, i-pod, and dvr. By the time we are done with them, they will be as well informed as their children. We are also offering a Health/Sex ed class for the adults as well. So when they have the talk with their children, they won't feel so stupid," Officer Stanley Matthews has stated.

Officer Matthews will be one of the, adult class, instructors.

"At least this way when we get an exchange student from Beverly Hills, we will have not have such a communication glich," says Mrs. Jefferson out of Middleton Heights High in Harlem, New York.

The school board has high hopes for this upcoming year. They hope to bridge a gap between the communities and generations.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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