Written by ZiaUl-Hack
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Topics: Dick Cheney, college

Tuesday, 27 April 2004

(Youngstown) Matthew Barnett, 19, a sophomore at Youngstown (Ohio) Community College, yesterday became the first American to expose the heretofore covert link between George Bush, Dick Cheney, and Halliburton. The stunning and nefarious web of White House intrigue, a story which the fourth estate had completely overlooked, was described in great detail in a post Barnett put up yesterday on the bulletin board at www.heavyinsights.com.

Barnett began his expose with careful statistical analysis of the 2000 presidential election results. Concluding that current President George W. Bush may not in fact have carried the votes of a majority of the American electorate, Barnett went on to theorize that "Dick Cheney", a balding, rather bland-looking man often seen near or with Mr. Bush, may in fact enjoy a "Vice President-President" relationship with the Midland, Texas native.

Building his case carefully, Barnett then put up several links tending to confirm that at some point in the past, "Cheney" had been affiliated with a large company known as "Halliburton". Stressing an inference that will doubtless have ominous long-term implications for the present administration, Barnett then pointed out that "Halliburton" has been and may still be involved in certain projects in the Middle East.

Finally, Barnett, pulling no punches, suggested that "Cheney" may well have offered Mr. Bush advice in certain matters of statecraft.

Barnett, whose idol is cyberscoop whiz Matt Drudge, says that his revelations were at first met with volleys of derision from "neocons at the site like Potternut88 and ILuvHilDuff16 who don't care that Bush is evixerating civical liberties and trompling out the rite of habeus corpis." Nontheless, Barnett is confident that "they won't be laughing at me for too much longer."

"Someone had to say what I said," Barnett observed, "and I'm glad that I was the first one clear-eyed and brave enough to say it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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