Written by Armedus Chunsky
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Wednesday, 5 March 2008

image for Sen. Mike Gravel Wins Texas Primary
The two projected winners in Texas face a new foe.

The long shot Democratic presidential candidate Senator Mike Gravel won the Texas primaries according to exit polls downloaded from electronic voting machines. Senator Gravel snatched the state from the two Democratic front-runners, Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, both of whom were expecting to pick up delegates from the state.

Mike Gravel was taking his nap at the time of the announcement and did not want to be disturbed for comment. However, his campaign adviser Roxy Gravel said that his snoring proved that he was ecstatic. "When I told him the news he said, 'just five more minutes, dear.' He knows that this race is far from over.

Gravel's victory was so unexpected that the news outlets did not even prepare for a Gravel win, having no graphics to display when the winner was announced. The look on Anderson Cooper's face was priceless. Gravel's media consultant Roxy Gravel said in a CNN interview that she knew that people would, "wake up and vote Gravel."

Satirist Stephen Colbert is even more shocked because Mike Gravel is taking over his show on Comedy Central. This is what happens when you lose a bet playing Texas hold em.

Because of Gravel's surprising win Senator Obama must wear nothing but swim shorts to future debates and Senator Clinton must end every answer with the singing of the American national anthem. The two made the bets with Senator Gravel because they thought that he had a rock's chance of floating.

We asked Senator Gravel what sparked his success and he credits his publicity coordinator, his daughter Roxy Gravel.

"I got the idea for my first campaign commercial from my daughter Roxy," said Gravel, "who I've always wanted to throw into a lake."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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