Britney Spears, the washed-up pop princess, has astounded her fans by applying to the office of hopeful Presidential candidate Barack Obama, for a role within the administration described as "masseuse".
Spears, who had a string of hits, has fallen on hard times recently, losing her husband and children through her own stupidity. She has told what remaining friends she has, that she is determined to take her destiny, as well as the Senator, into her own hands.
Mr Obama, who is winning his battle with Hillary Clinton to become the choice of the Democratic Party, is known to be a fan of Ms Spears, and has a relatively liberal attitude to sex, particularly when a blonde bimbo is playing a humming tune on his pink trombone.
He has, however, denied the unsavoury aspects of the story, saying that he enjoys a good relaxing massage, and that, sadly, there had been a considerable amount of exaggeration within the report.
Obama supporter, Mr Eric Gnarls, of Alaska, said:
"I feel sure this report has its origins in Mrs Clinton's camp. I feel disappointment that the success of some candidates in this campaign depends on claims involving salacious genitalia silliness and anal invasion."