Written by Kea Toff
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Topics: Hillary Clinton

Sunday, 2 March 2008

image for Clinton gets behind In campaign promises
Three members of LGBTXFB vow to beat the 'Monkey Policy'

Washington AC-DC (Kea Toff) - Sen. Hillarity Clinton (Female-Bitch party) has taken a manly stance in the battle for isometry for any and all fetishistic Americans. She vowed to totally trash the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't See, Don't Speak, I don't know what you mean-I wasn't there" policy instituted by former lover Bill Clinton.

Under this policy anyone who "demonstrate(s) a proclivity or intent to engage (or dreams of it) in homosexual acts, eat cotton candy with the tip of their tongue or speak with a lisp" is prohibited from serving in the armed forces and construction jobs, however an individual does not have to break down and cry, "I was forced to wear dresses as a young boy," or any other information about sexual orientation and those kind of icky-poo things.

Clinton released a statement online, outlining her commitment to the LGBTXFB (Lesbian, Gay, Transsexual, Porn, Feminism, Bondage) community, "We're going to 'Viagratize' our federal detest normal sexual behavior crimes legislation and pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act and assure that they are both fully inclusive of all people. And finally, because I really want to win, we will put an end to the failed policy of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't See, Don't Speak. Often referred to as the four D's or the 'Monkey Policy'.

Courage, honor, patriotism and sacrifice, dirty underwear and the ability to eat canned food - the traits that define our men and women in uniform - have nothing to do with sexual orientation or how one reaches orgasm."

Democratic prospects are penetratingly aware that this election could mark a turning point in the ongoing fight to have garter belt support for equality in the LGBTXFB community and guarantee them a place in the big party (not political). California voters, 30 years ago staunchly refused to allow a straight ticket measure to pass that would require the firing of teachers and faculty who were suspected of being homosexual or anti-west coast hip.

As a candidate in the "party of anything goes" Hillary Clinton's ideas about moving toward change include the LGBTXFB community and its supporters standing up and fighting for greater rights. Bondage supporters had nothing to say, under gag order.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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