Written by ej moore
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Monday, 29 August 2005

image for God proclaims George Bush "Jesus Christ Almighty"
Pleased as punch to be divinely recognized, the president formerly known as George W. Bush informed Americans of his holy mission.

In a bold political move, the president formerly known as George W. Bush today announced that he had legally changed his name to Jesus Christ Almighty.

President Jesus then told news services that he decided to make this change after hearing the voice of his higher father tell him "even a saintly Beatle's name is not fitteth for the world's savior."

The Heavenly message was apparently delivered via a smouldering shrub in the White House Rose Garden. The president had been in the garden for the better part of the day entertaining California's cigar-loving governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger. After Governor Schwarzenegger departed, President Jesus said he bent his head in prayer to thank God for creating soft money. It was then he saw wispy smoke from a nearby azalea.

"The shrub spaketh to me," President Jesus recalled, "and verily did I heareth the voice of my higher father saying, 'Ye, ye of great vision, goeth out in the name of my son and ye shall saveth the world from great evil.'"

President Almighty said he immediately proceeded with the legal name change adding that although he was now a certified holy man, journalists and other worshippers should refrain from referring to his wife, Laura, as "Mrs. Jesus."

VP Dick Cheney, when asked to comment, said he was bemused as to why YHWH didn't consult him first but that he was considering the president's request to change his name to "Saint Dickie." Defense secretary Donald Rumsfeld is said to be fancying the moniker "Joseph Americathea" but, according to a White House source speaking on condition of anonymity, "Condi Rice isn't sure how she feels because the president hasn't yet told her what to think."

A White House aide added that the recent name change would only strengthen plans for the presidential collaboration with actor/director/producer/zealot Mel Gibson on his upcoming Republican documentary, "Whose God Is It Anyway?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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