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Thursday, 28 February 2008

image for Hillary Clinton's Candidacy Found Dead at Age 33
The two leading suspects in the murder

(Unassociated Press) Cleveland, Ohio- After being considered to be in danger for the last few months, the body of Hillary Clinton's campaign for the Democratic Presidential Nomination was found dead early Wednesday morning. The body was reportedly found behind a woodshed near a farm just outside of Cleveland. The victim was apparently bludgeoned to death with an axe.

At this time there are several suspects. The leading suspects at this moment include Senator Barrack Obama, Democratic Primary voters, Tim Russert and Senator Clinton herself. In addition to these main suspects, investigators believe that a conspiracy involving many of the above and others helped play a part in the death.

Hillary's candidacy had been in poor health for the last few months, after a series of beatings in states across the country. Investigations have yet to show who was responsible for those beatings, but investigators believe that the people responsible for the beatings are likely the guilty party in her candidacy's death.

What is known is that Hillary, Obama and Tim Russert were all seen assaulting Hillary's candidacy on Tuesday night, the last time her candidacy was seen before being killed. Police believe that in her candidacy's weakened state, it was more vulnerable to the final, lethal assault it suffered.

That night, Hillary Clinton was making some of the most ferocious attacks on her campaign for the Democratic nomination. She brought up such things as SNL skits and complained about always receiving the first question. "It's truly amazing that her candidacy didn't die right there," said the Olmstead coroner, "Her candidacy had to be tough, those kinds of blows would have killed a lesser candidacy."

Hillary Clinton has had an unhealthy relationship with her candidacy for a long time, according to Dr. Limons of the University of Princeton. "She's always been this abuser. She has a horrendous temper, and has publicly beaten her own candidacy for a long time. The tragic thing is that she thinks she's helping her candidacy. You could see that clearly on Tuesday night, it's why her beatings were so strong. It's unbelievable that for as public as this was no one ever told her what she was doing."

While it is clear that the many current suspects were responsible for seriously weakening the candidacy of Senator Clinton, police believe that it will take a long time to gather enough evidence to prosecute anyone.

John McCain and Barrack Obama offered their condolences to Senator Clinton. Tim Russert refused to comment at this time. Senator Clinton's candidacy was born on October 11, 1975.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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