WASHINGTON - In the last two months, Barack Hussein Obama has built a commanding coalition among U.S. voters and is now viewed as the candidate best able to beat war veteran John McCain in the 2008 election.
But this widely reported view ignores a significant trend among election watchers, newly revealed by the latest poll: the broadening of Obama's support is in direct proportion to the broadening of Hillary's thighs.
Preliminary data indicate the precise relationship formula to be A (h)dh, though calculus is required to work out the actual voter numbers on any given day.
Mathematicians across America are scurrying to analyze and interpret these unexpected findings.
Our in-house expert, Joe Spanky, elaborates: "Yes, we were quite astonished at these results, but the hard numbers are absolutely undeniable. As the inches add to Hillary's bottom, ever more voters are 'turned off' by her neo-feminist ideals and 'turned on' to the possibility of electing America's first nearly-Black president."
"Why not vote for Barack Hussein?" a random voter passing by our offices asked, adding "Hey, if nothing else, it'd be a laugh."
Other random registered voters, when questioned, offered advice to the Clinton campaign's embattled candidate.
"Cut down on carbs, martinis and transfats, honey, and maybe get yourself a new hair conditioner."
Clinton campaign spokespersons could not be reached for comment because they wouldn't accept the charges, a response that indicates Clinton staff to be readying themselves for a return to Washington.
While some may approve of their optimism, others might question their candidate's fabric and color choices.
Tragic Rabbit, NYC Sun