Written by Dan Bristol
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Topics: New York, abuse

Sunday, 25 April 2004

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One Of Many Passersby Titillated by the Antics of Central Park's Wildlife

NEW YORK - In yet another example of "You Can't Make This Shit Up" from the Big Apple, two gay lovers took off most of their clothes, climbed up a tree in New York's Central Park and spent four hours engaging in sex acts and yelling abuse at police and firefighters.

Police said officers talked the men out of the three story high tree on Thursday night after the parks department had sent two cherry-pickers and firefighters had deployed an inflatable rescue mattress.

The couple, described by officials as a 32-year-old transsexual with female breasts wearing a purple thong and a 17-year-old boy in white boxer shorts, were admitted to the hospital for psychiatric evaluation.

At one point during the standoff in the larch tree the 32-year-old rejected a police officer's offer of a can of soda.

"This is a Coke. I wanted vanilla Diet Pepsi," he was quoted as saying in newspaper reports.

On Friday, police charged William Rund, 32, and Christopher Montero, 17, both of New York, with reckless endangerment, resisting arrest, criminal mischief, public lewdness and disorderly conduct.

A New York City circuit court judge is reported to have reviewed the case, shuddered uncontrollably for ten minutes, and gone immediately into retirement.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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