"Marry me!" shouts Steve O. Braganin, a John, to a stunned 'Trixie,' his hostess with the moistest, that was diligently working her midnight magic at Badger Lair, a brothel located just outside the town of Wells, in northeastern Nevada.
Sadly, for Steve, the joyous euphoria was short-lived. The shake, rattle, and rollin' was not due to the intoxicating undulations of Trixie, but rather the result of an early Thursday morning 6.0 magnitude temblor centered about 11 miles southeast of sparsely populated Wells.
Despite hundreds of 100-year-old homes being damaged, dozens of families displaced, and the town's historic district being reduced to rubble, the Wells Red Light District was booming. "I couldn't stuff the tips down my bra fast enough," gushed co-worker, 'Fanny.' "It was as if my client believed I was a Siren reincarnated . . . It was Christmas all over again."
Reportedly, the Badger Lair increased their normal nightly average revenue by 325 percent, causing manager Roger Pimphano to enthusiastically hope for more earthquakes to bring business back to his languishing operation. "It's better than any ho or electronic dildo can do," says a beaming Pimphano.
The only thing better, says Pimphano, is if the Yucca Mountain nuclear waste dump planned for outside of Las Vegas, Nevada would finally get a green- not red -light to proceed. "Then if there was hopefully more seismic activity and radioactive canisters were to rupture, maybe some of the 'light aura' would be transmitted from our customers bodies," adding, "Being able to better see our clients in the dark is a real help to our gals- it cuts down the accidents rate."
As for the toothless Trixie: "I love my S.O.B.; sure I'll marry the ol' codger."
Ain't love bliss.