Written by Unconfirmed Source
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Topics: Government, Report

Sunday, 25 April 2004

image for Siege of Onion Compound Enters 74th day!
Compound of Death!

Unconfirmed sources report that the government forces surrounding the Onion compound are near the breaking point. Round the clock bombing and continued raids against the fortified compound have yielded nothing except more dead and more recriminations at the army command post.

Outside observers indicate that the morale of the attacking force is at rock bottom and that many troops have been rotated out of the combat zone. "Its a big fucking mess." said one dirty and blood smeared trooper as he walked slowly out of the combat zone.

The area around the fortified compound is a parking lot of destroyed military vehicles and equipment. "I haven't seen anything like this since the 'Highway of death' in the first war in Iraq." said one wounded soldier.

The army refuses to release casualty figures but Unconfirmed Sources puts the number at over 125 dead and 420 wounded since the conflict began.

Congress has set a date for public hearings on this national military debacle.

Donald Rumsfeld continues to state that the resistance offered by the staff of the Onion is not unexpected and will be defeated soon. "They are a small group of thugs, criminals and terrorists and we will defeated them in this test of wills. Editor-in-Chief Carol Kolb and Assistant Editor Amie Barrodale the heads of this militant group will be brought to justice before the American people. As a nation we can't allow this type of activity."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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