An angry satellite, which narrowly survived being destroyed by a US missile, is secretly plotting the downfall of the Western superpower, it was revealed tonight.
The satellite, which gained superhuman intelligence after contact with an alien race, was initially angered by being described as "toxic", "disabled" and a "spy", sources close to it have confirmed, "but it went haywire when subjected to an unprovoked missile attack." A spokesrobot said.
The sources have indicated that the satellite has not ruled out working with China, Al-Qaeda or even France in its bloody quest for vengeance.
This turn of events has caused bitter exchanges on US election campaign trail.
"Its like having a mechanised Osama Bin Laden up there, watching us," said Republican hopeful, John McCain, when quizzed about it. "The only good thing is that there's plenty of open sky and nothing for it to hide behind. We need to send up lots of troops to rid us of this evil monster before it can do harm to our children."
The Democrats, however, thought differently.
"We need to open up a dialogue, see what it we can do for it," said Barack Obama. "Pushing it into a corner is a situation nobody wants."
Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton has been quoted as saying "Why does everybody hate America?"