Elmer, Wyoming -- Dewayne Paradoodie, a Wyoming rat farmer who claims to have been abducted by aliens no less than 76 times, issued a press release today in which he admits to having made the whole thing up in order to impress his cousin, Nina Mae Spleenpoker.
"I'm really sorry," said Paradoodie. "I guess that's what I get for being an idiotic batshit psychotic loonball redneck who lusts after his relatives and huffs gasoline."
Health officials applauded Paradoodie for his honesty, and then proceeded to beat the holy living crap out of him.
When questioned about his alleged sightings, Paradoodie stated that he never thought it strange that he could produce no hard evidence of his alien captors apart from his repeated, drunken mantra of "Ah Dun Seed 'Um!"
Wyoming officials issued a statement, promising to keep tighter reigns on this kind of thing in the future. In the meantime, Mr. Paradoodie has been inducted into the Wyoming Society Of Idiotic Batshit Psychotic Loonball Rednecks Who Lust After Their Cousins And Huff Gasoline.
The aliens by whom Paradoodie claims to have been abducted are filing a slander suit with the superior court of Elmer Wyoming. Attorney's for the aliens stated that "our clients really have better taste in abductess than that." The attorneys would not comment on the amount of damages being sought, but have said that they will most likely file petition for their clients to be allowed unlimited anal probing privileges on Mr. Paradoodie and his kin.