Written by Jen A. Taylia
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Friday, 23 April 2004

image for All Marriage now banned in attempt to close loophole.
Bush talks of Lesbian Sex.

In the biggest offensive yet against gay marriage, sweeping laws come into effect after the Bush administration realizes that current law allows the legal union of a lesbian to a gay man.

Under pressure President George W. Bush announced that until further notice, no marriages whatsoever will be recognized by the state.

"This is a very inconvenient step in the war against fading moral values and it's been forced upon us by the gay and lesbian communities of the United States." he told press. "We simply have no choice. Until the disturbing trend of gay marriages is put to bed (so to speak) we're going to have to work backwards through our laws to more clearly close the door that allows some to be good, and some to be evil."

Community and church leaders are outraged at what they see as a complete disregard for civil liberties. Polls show that even the average man on the street sees the step as completely inappropriate.

"Why would some fudge-tunnel-storm-trooper want to marry a lizzy if he doesn't need a green card?" asked Allan Lang a construction worker in middle America.

Lang confesses that his once staunch views against homosexuality have softened as the pointlessness of the arguments continue.

"I mean it's now affecting normal God fearing people isn't it. If some people want a piece of paper which says they officially dip their wick where it should not be dipped that's their problem. On top of that, I was supposed to go to a big fancy wedding in Vegas this weekend, and now that's down the shitter, isn't it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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