Alfred Nickelback, a soon to be retired driver of the Presidential Limo after nearly 40 years, revealed today the President Bush likes to moon people from behind the tinted glass.
Nickelback says that it started with the Democratic National Headquarters, then moved on to the French Embassy, the Iranian Embassy, the Congressional Office Building, and the headquarters of the Washington Redskins (he's a Cowboy fan), among other places.
When asked to describe driving the president around on these eye-opening experiences, he said, "There are two kinds of mooning. There's pushing your naked butt against a window, called pressing by the folks in the know. There's also when you roll down the window and stick your ass into public, which we call hanging. For security reasons, Dubya is a presser.
"Sometimes, he gets the secret service guys in the car to do it too. Then we'll have hams pressed against all the windows.
"He even got Dick Cheney to do it once when we drove past some protesters that were opposed to gun ownership. The Vice President wanted to borrow a guard's Smith and Wesson and blow them away, but settled for dropping trou and pushing his flabby old ass against the glass."
When asked if he ever saw any other Presidents moon the public, Alfred said that he had not. "I got to see Clinton's behind a lot, but that was usually when he was on top of Monica or some other skank in the back seat. Of course, that was inconvenient for Al Gore or anyone else that was with him, but Bill really did enjoy the back seat!"
"The older Bush and Reagan never mooned anyone. Rosalyn wouldn't let Jimmy do it, but Billy Carter would when I drove him around Washington.
"I think I had more family members do it than presidents, because Chelsea Clinton and Amy Carter and the Nixon girls all did it. No one wanted to see Chelsea's ugly ass anyway, so it was the only way she had to get say she was butt naked in a back seat when she was a teenager.
"Ford and Nixon wouldn't do it, but Agnew actually did it with the windows down as he rolled out of town. Dan Quayle also did it when he was Vice President, but that's because he thought he was still in a fraternity and that's what they did on Saturday nights."
When asked about the incidents, Bush was bare assed but not embarrassed. "Can't you guys enjoy a little fun? Don't tell me you've never dropped you pants and showed someone your butt? I've got a hairy ass and I like it! So what if I leave some skid marks on the glass or if they get a little bit of nut sack view too! It's a constitutional right, just like giving someone the bird!"
When told of the mooning incidents after a Congressional meeting, Senators Clinton, McCain, and Obama (the three top candidates for President) met jointly in a side office and agreed to sponsor joint legislation to purchase a new presidential limo for the new holder of the office. Said one, who wished to remain anonymous, "I don't think I could ever look out those windows without thinking of what was on them."