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Friday, 15 February 2008

image for Sen. Arlen Specter to Investigate Alleged Cheating by Fantasy Football League Owner
Beaver Hunters Cheerleaders

Washington D.C. -- Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA) announced today that he will hold hearings to investigate alleged cheating by an owner in the Greater Mid-West Fantasy Football League.

Chuck Middleton, owner of the GMWFFL franchise Chuck's Beaver Hunters, has been accused of draft-day improprieties by at least two other owners.

"I'm pretty sure Chuck was looking over my shoulder when I was making out my draft order," said Mike Lowe, owner of Mike's Original Beaver Hunters, "and I definitely saw him looking at Danny's (Mack, owner of Danny's Mack Attack and Beaver Hunters) when he got up to take a (urinate)."

In a prepared statement Sen. Specter said, "Fantasy sports leagues are a multi-billion dollar industry, and I would be derelict in my duties as a US senator if I fail to investigate these allegations."

The GMWFFL champion receives a $250 prize and a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

"I could have really used the money, too," said Lowe, who's been unemployed since the factory where he worked shut down and was relocated to Mexico, "I was gonna use it to buy a tank of gas and maybe a few pairs of fresh socks for my son, who's serving in Iraq."

Middleton, who reportedly spent most of the prize money on lottery tickets, could not be reached for comment. His aunt, Sandra Middleton, said that he would be happy to meet with Sen. Specter and would even agree to a lie detector test, because he was so drunk on draft day that he probably couldn't remember what happened anyway.

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