Today, Ron Paul held a press conference in his underground bunker to discuss his plans for the country. One reporter attended, providing The Spoof with this exclusive story.
The press conference started with fifteen minutes of Ron Paul saying, "Is everyone here?" followed by five minutes of silence after Paul stated: "I can wait just as long as you." After five more minutes of stalling, including a few magic tricks, the delusional presidential hopeful started his presentation.
Some prominent points were the proposed elimination of The IRS, the FCC, and Congress. A 24 hour news channel of "things they don't want you to know" was included in the plan, since in Paul's words, "the FCC did not allow the channel before. They require all stations to provide a public service, and to provide nonfiction material that goes by their version of 'the truth.'" The speech also included apparent flatulence, which was attributed to a government conspiracy.