US film director Steven Spielberg, the artistic adviser to the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing, has taken the bizarre step of applying for Chinese citizenship, and has already taken up residence in the country.
Spielberg, 94, has "fallen in love" with China - and its food - and has decided that he wants to become a fully fledged Chinaman. Being only 4 feet 8 inches tall, he feels he would blend in perfectly with Beijing's tiny millions.
Whilst on a shopping trip to buy a grey smock last week, he gathered a crowd around him for an impromptu 'news conference', and told bemused onlookers:
"China is the greatest country in the cosmos, its Human Rights abuses and environmental issues aside. It will, no doubt, provide fertile ground for my new cinematic projects."
Mr Spielberg is currently working on a number of new films including a Kung Fu epic, Xin Lee's Fist, a documentary about industrialised China's changing climate problem Xian Lao's Mist, and a controversial study of the impact of Western values on Chinese culture in Li Ping's Pissed.
The Chinese government Minister for Extremely Annoying Outspoken Foreign Prisoners, Lo Kim Up, said:
"Him talk too much. Lite fom cell. Go home ten year."