Written by bartlebysnopes
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Topics: Sex, School, Teachers

Sunday, 10 February 2008

image for High School Virgin Sues Health Teacher for Not Teaching Her Sex
Too much theory in health class?

A virgin high school freshman has filed a lawsuit against her health teacher for "refusing to show her how to have sex." Laura Morris, was unsure how to have sex, so she went to seek help from her health teacher, Derrick Caldwell.

The school's health class curriculum dictates that each freshman student should learn about sex. Nothing in the curriculum explicitly states that a student need to know how to have sex, but it does say that students should be familiar with the human body and with sex.

Morris wanted to become familiar with sex before going on a date with Junior hottie Nick Azerman, star of the basketball team.

"I knew that it was important to know how to have sex," Morris told reporters, "so I went to Mr. Caldwell so that he could show me how. I just wanted him to show me how to have sex. It wouldn't have meant anything. It just would have been teaching."

When Morris approached Caldwell, asking him to teach her how to have sex, Caldwell refused, saying that he had no obligation to have sex with his students.

"I explained to the class all the aspects of sex that I felt were necessary for a high school class," Caldwell explained. "I didn't feel that having sex with Laura would have been appropriate unless I had sex with all of my students. And that would just be absurd."

The school's principle was unsure whose side to take on the issue. "On the one hand, it is against our policy, and against the law in this case, for a teacher to have sex with a student. But on the other hand, this would have been a great learning experience for Laura. Caldwell could have used some nonlinguistic representation to teach her, which is one of the professional development strategies I have been pushing. She obviously is a very hands-on learner. We need to be sure we are accommodating all of our learners."

Morris did not file her lawsuit officially until after her date with Azerman.

"Things just didn't go well," Morris said through tears. "I wish Mr. Caldwell had just shown me how."

Morris is seeking $500,000 in damages from Caldwell. The high school has temporarily suspended Caldwell as it investigates whether or not he is using effective teaching practices in the classroom.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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