President George W. Bush, for perhaps the first time during his Presidency, has found himself in agreement with two thirds of the American people. A new poll shows that two thirds of those surveyed believed that the United States was at least "somewhat likely" to undergo a terrorist attack before the November elections.
"I can understand why they think we're going to get hit again," sympathized Mr. Bush, wearing a flack jacket and helmet, speaking from behind his sandbag surrounded desk in the Oval Office, "This is a hard country to defend. Shit, I'm nervous even here in the White House, can you imagine how those poor bastards on the street must feel, especially since I've been cutting First Responder funding ever since 9/11?"
In one of the years most shocking understatements Mr. Bush described his intelligence as being "never perfect", which is where the President and the publics perceptions begin to differ. In another new poll 98% of the American People describe Mr. Bush's intelligence as being "somewhat non existent or completely fucking non existent".
The President, in a rare show of honesty also acknowledged that the last few weeks have been "Really tough. Ok, they've been reeeaaalllyyy tough, but it's nothing I can't handle. I mean, I'm not on the line in Iraq, so I feel pretty safe. Of course, I'm not planning to be in Fallujah anytime soon, scheduling difficulties, you understand. As for our boys taking incoming rounds and RPG's every two minutes, well, I'm throwing them an extra two hundred fifty bucks a week, that's gotta more than make up for the increased potential of a bullet in the chest at any second, right?"
In a dig at his father, who's international support for the first Iraq war still pisses off the President, George the Littler said, "The Iraqi people want to know if we're going to cut and run again (like my daddy did). Well, I'm here to tell you, we're not. At least, we're not unless of course it looks like I can do better in the election by dumping the whole mess into the United Nation's lap, in which case I'll be outta there faster than a Texas Twister."