Written by NickFun
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Sunday, 10 February 2008

image for North Dakota Man couldn't care less about Britney Spears, Jamie Lynn Spears or Ron Paul
Britney Spears (seen here on horseback in 1998) is one of the three Orchard couldn't care less about

Paul Orchard, a 37 year old Bismarck, ND truck driver, told a newspaper today that he couldn't care less about Britney Spears recent mental breakdown, her sister Jamie Lynn's pregnancy or Ron Paul's candidacy.

"I gotta haul 12 tons of lumber across 6 states. I got a wife and three screaming kids who always want something. I have a mortgage to pay off. Who gives two craps about those whacked out dames or some whore loving politician I never heard of", Orchard reported to the Bismarck Tribune.

Britney Spears was outraged and began shouting expletives when she heard of Orchard's uncaring attitude. "What a (expletive) piece of (expletive) he is! I'd like to (expletive) kick him in the (expletive)", she stated.

At this point the diva had to be restrained and a gag put in her mouth.

Britney's pregnant younger sister seemed less disturbed by Orchard's remarks. "Who the (expletive) is he?" Jamie Lynn asked.

Ron Paul was a far more sympathetic voice. "Him and every newspaper", Paul said half-jokingly.

Orchard's wife Jackie offered no firm explanation for her husband's attitude. "He's never cared about pop stars or politicians", she explained. "Back in '89 when we first met he didn't care about Madonna or Clinton. I shoulda seen it coming then. As soon as I can find another man I'm outa this marriage".

Though there have been reports of individuals throughout the country who couldn't care less about the Spears sisters or Paul, this is the first time anyone has expressed disinterest in all three.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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