UCLA - Britney Spears' vagina revealed today that a return to Britney's current "Lemon Pledge Tour" was unlikely. The main reasoning is that Spears is to absorbed and busy with the new business of waxing those around her, let alone a tour promoting furniture polish.
"A typical day for Britney lately involves getting up to take a shower," said her vagina, "She then towels off and returns to her padded room; telephones Dad and berates him for half an hour even though he hangs up after 2 seconds; telephones Dr. Phil and berates him for one hour, which he recently open miked to his television show...Brit then fumes and goes to the bathroom again; kicks the unpadded wall and balls like a baby until a nurse comes to give her extra meds..."
"Personally," continued Brit's vag, " I can't take much more of this. Its not that I don't feel for the kid, but at the same time a vagina can only take so many hot wax peels in a lifetime."
Lemon Pledge is now considering dropping Britney Spears in favor of the Mit Romney/Ron Paul tour. However, her agent and manager is said to be close to having a deal with the Natinoal Hockey League. Britney would be allowed to sing at the start of games, but would also have wear ice skates and defend a goal against fans paying for the honor to slap a puck past her.