Lake Jackson, Texas - Ten term Republican Congressman and internet phenomenon Ron Paul announced today that due to his poor showing on Super Tuesday he would drop out of the race for the Republican nomination.
As usual Rep. Paul refused to support either of the two remaining Republicans, any of the Democrats, or a third party candidate.
Showing an unusual display of anger, Rep. Paul said "For the last time, I'm not running on a third party. I said the same thing every single time I've been asked that question."
Instead the Congressman said that he would launch a military coup against President Bush using his extensive military support. "We're going to start by seizing the gold reserves at the Federal Reserve Bank in New York."
"As President, I'll fight him for a hundred years if that's what it takes," said Senator John McCain upon hearing the news. He then proceeded to plan his own coup. Mike Huckabee offered the services of Chuck Norris in exchange for the vice-presidency.
Senator Hilary Clinton burst into tears at the news, sobbing something about never getting her chance. Senator Barak Obama immediately called for change. Mitt Romney--who dropped out of the Republican race earlier today--found the people he was with to be evenly divided about Paul's action and could not make a decision as to weather to support him or not.
The Pentagon and the White House were unavailable for comment and are believed to be busy planning to attack Iran.