Written by Jen A. Taylia
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Topics: John Kerry, straight

Wednesday, 21 April 2004

image for John Kerry Catches Fly at Outdoor Press Conference
Kerry Catches Fly

In an incredible display of hand-eye coordination, President-2-Be Kerry reached out without warning at an outdoor press conference and with true dexterity pulled a fly straight out of the air.

"It was incredible" shared CNN reporter, George Ivy on the scene at the time as he captured the moment on film. "It was like John Kerry was moving in slow motion. One second there was a fly in the air annoying the entire entourage, the next minute it was gone."

Turning the incident to his political advantage Kerry stated, "Unlike George Bush who asked his National Security Advisors, 'Why are we swatting at flys' when discussing al Quada before 911, I can actually catch flies' ".

While all present agreed that this was pretty weak, for an off the cuff remark it was considered better than nothing.

The glory of the moment, however, was short-lived.

16 minute later the Republic propaganda machine swung into action with a nationwide 30 second TV commercial campaign running the slogan, "Kerry - Weak on Animal Rights". A Gallop poll 22 minutes later revealed that Animal Rights had risen to the third most important election issue considered by the American People ( behind the economy and the war against terror ).

Surprisingly though, the net result of the ad campaign balanced out with gains to John Kerry! Unwittingly the inclusion in that ad that "John Kerry would shoot your dog if you weren't looking" created a massive opinion swing within the powerful National Rifle Association demographic in Kerrys favor.

Scriptwriters for the Bush presidential campaign are at this very moment trying to track down any possible footage of George W. shooting absolutely anything in an attempt to rebound from their mistake.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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