Confirming the fears of Republicans everywhere, the Communist Party of the USA has endorsed Senator McCain for president.
"McCain is the vanguard of our revolutionary elite," said Party mummy Gus Hall. "He wants to bomb Iran, and so did the Soviet Union. He wants to stay in Iraq 100 years, just like the Communist Party!"
Republicans had long suspected McCain of being a Soviet-style liberal. "He worked on immigration issues with Teddy Kennedy," said GOP Commissar Mitch McConnell. "What else do you need to know? Teddy Kennedy!"
"CPUSA support will boost McCain with up to five additional popular votes," boasted Party ally Vladimir Putin. "They aren't called Red States for nothing!"
McCain seemed confused by the endorsement. "In other words," said his spokesman, "Condition normal."