Despite multiple efforts to accede to the Republican Party's frantic cries to various experts within the medical field, all attempts to enlarge or enhance the President's brain have now failed. It was determined that the President's pea sized brain just couldn't be augmented sufficiently. That was again confirmed after his State of the Union speech.
Senior leadership announced "It had seemed hopeless for our nation's leader, and things were very bleak indeed. We were okay while Vice President Cheney was able to run things, but without someone there to ctrl, alt, delete him because of his lack of any heart, we had just about given up hope."
The real hero in this unbelievable turn of events is the President's wife Laura. It was while searching the Library of Congress for medical possibilities that she found a copy of "The Wizard of Oz" and remembered its theme. She then made arrangements with the "National Munchkin Brain Replacement Institute" in the city of Oz to supply her husband with a new brain.
According to the senior Munchin surgeon, "We will be successful and that right soon. We are just awaiting a brain and Vice President Cheney is going to be hunting soon." He added, "If that fails we can always use the brain of an Ostrich, as the structural makeup has the innate ability to keep the President's head buried in a hole oblivious to everything."