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Saturday, 2 February 2008

image for Lennon Endorses Romney
John Lennon looks great

In an unexpected development, Mitt Romney has received the celebrity endorsement of the late John Lennon. This comes on the heels of endorsements by Oprah Winfrey, Barbara Streisand and even Chuck Norris, which have helped to buoy the candidacy of other presidential contenders.

"I am grateful for Mr. Lennon's support of my bid for President," declared Governor Romney to an enthusiastic throng at his campaign stop in front of the Dakota building in New York City, where the former Beatle lived until his death in 1980. The governor sported bell bottoms and beads, part of a new "counter culture look", intended to appeal to the city's baby-boomers. A campaign spokesman said that the governor's new clothing would replace the "working man lumberjack shirt look", and the "business man suit and tie look" that were used in earlier stages of his campaign to somewhat mixed election results.

Responding to chants of "Speak in Tongues! Speak in Tongues!" Romney declared: "I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together!" And the crowd roared its approval. Clearly enjoying a special moment of connection with his audience, he continued with, "We all shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun!" Shortly thereafter, his supporters broke into a spontaneous rendition of Lennon's "Fool on the Hill".

The endorsement came just days after leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints modified church policy on their "proxy baptism" of the already dead to add "proxy endorsements" where supported by a vote of church elders.

"Why stop with the mere baptism of those lost in the Holocaust or regional disasters?" noted top researcher, Veronica Thirdwife, at the International Genealogical Index in Salt Lake City. "Just as there is no evidence that Lennon would have objected to being posthumously baptized into the Mormon faith, there is no reason to think he would have objected to posthumously endorsing Governor Romney."

The candidate, whose campaign suffered a momentary setback when it was revealed that gardeners working on his property were not legal US residents, noted "I am especially gratified that Mr. Lennon provided a proper example for immigrants everywhere, by becoming a legal citizen of the United States several years before his death". Political insiders speculate that Mr. Lennon's legal residency in the US was an important aspect of the Romney endorsement. Church elders were concerned that even with the church's proxy baptism and the new proxy endorsement ceremony, they might be unable to provide the late singer-songwriter with proxy citizenship had that proven necessary.

Rumors have circulated that Mike Huckabee, another Republican candidate, petitioned his church for a posthumous celebrity endorsement by the late legendary guitarist, Stevie Ray Vaughan, but these are unconfirmed. "I loved Vaughan's music," declared the opposition candidate, "but I've got all I need in Chuck Norris. He could kick Lennon's butt!"

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