Written by Chuck Terzella
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Topics: New York, Fire

Monday, 19 April 2004

In an effort to prove the truth in the statement, ‘What's the point of being an idiot if you can't show it off?' a Long Island New York man died after setting fire to a rug in his home, ironically located on Fire Island, and daring his roommate to stay in the house with him as the fire spread.

Thomas Woods, 59, then decided to take the hilarity one step farther by taking a nap on the couch as his roommate Rod Bennett, who presumably had a few more IQ points than Mr. Woods, ran to a neighbors house to summon the Fire Department. Mr. Woods awoke in time to realize that he was about to die and tried to flee the burning house, but luckily for the human gene pool was unsuccessful in the attempt. It took 75 firefighters as well as neighbors who formed a bucket brigade to extinguish both Mr. Woods and the house.

In a major leap of Investigative Reasoning, local police are looking into whether Mr. Woods had been drinking at the time of dare, or whether he was just really stupid. The Chivas Regal Company has denied any wrongdoing in the incident saying in a written statement, " Alcohol doesn't kill people, people just drink alcohol and kill themselves."

(This story has been approved by Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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