An organization of small breasted women, calling themselves "The Young and the Chestless," have sued the Federal Government and F.E.M.A. (the Federal Emergency Management Agency) for not responding quickly enough to their medical condition. The ladies demand that Federal Disaster Relief funds be made available to them immediately to play for breast augmentation surgery.
Penelope Plums of Cheyenne, Wyoming offered the following statement in her role as spokesperson for the group: "We want Washington to see our plight..."
Note: there really isn't much to see!
"Where are we on Friday and Saturday nights? At home! In television shows, the hero always has two sidekicks: the fat, funny girl and the obnoxious, flat chested girl. We never get to be the main star!
"If you are a Britney Spears with money from your Mickey Mouse Club days, you can pay for a boob job. If you are Kellie Pickler with money from being a finalist on American Idol, you can afford a boob job. The normal American woman, however, cannot afford this plastic surgery and our insurance companies call it elective and won't cover it!
"We consider it a basic human right to have a big pair of jugs. We consider it the duty of our government to see that all of it's female citizens over the age of 15 can have a rack they can be proud of."
"There are women out there in their twenties who still fit into the same training bra their mothers bought them when they were in the sixth grade! While we all want A's and B's in school, we do not want them in the sizes of our brassieres!
"If the men in Congress will help us with this problem, we would take our shirts off to them and show them the fruits of their labors."
When confronted with the economic dilemma in Washington of spending federal funds to feed, clothe, and house the homeless or to give women larger breasts, the choice was obvious.
Surgeries will begin April 1st.