In 2000, it took a decision of the Supreme Court to declare George W. Bush the winner over Al Gore in Florida, and recipient of the state's electoral votes. In anticipation of a close primary race this year (2008), involving ballot stuffing, voter fraud, and more hanging chads, the Supreme Court declared George W. Bush the winner again. This time, he beat out Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John Edwards.
Bush was also declared the winner of the Republican Primary over McCain, Romney, Huckabee, and Guiliani.
When it was pointed out that Bush was not on the ballot for either party, state election official Bertha Bumble said that "it doesn't matter. We know the will of the people and we are listening to that."
"Most of our citizens are not able to vote anyway. We've got lots of old, retired Jews from up north who sit around all day playing shuffleboard and crowd the lines at the buffets. We've also got lots of Cubans who don't speak English and spend all of their time using drugs and trying to kill each other. The rest of our citizens are running around on the beach half naked trying to get a cameo on CSI Miami or are getting ready to serve lots of beer to alcoholic teens for spring break."
"Since none of those people have the time to vote, we just did it for them."
In Washington, President Bush graciously accepted his victory and announced that he would "do Jeb and the rest of them proud" in the upcoming November elections.