The Bush Administration has reached an agreement with the Senate and the House of Representatives on the proposed "stimulate the ecomony" tax rebates. The rebates, to be issued in May by the IRS, are designed to keep the United States from sliding into a recession in an election year (which would adversely affect incumbents from both parties).
The rebates to all taxpayers who file a return to the IRS in 2008 under the following guidelines:
- If you voted for President Bush in 2000 and 2004, you will receive $750 (double for registered Republicans).
- If you voted for Bush in only one of those years, you will receive $450 (not doubled for registered Republicans, because they should have voted for him twice).
- If you voted for your incumbent Congressman in the House of Representatives, you will receive $300 (doubleb if you are a member of their political party).
- If you voted for your current Senator, you will receive $500 (doubled if you are also a member of their political party).
- If you are stupid enough to spend all your tax rebate money on lottery tickets, hoping to strike it rich, you will receive an extra $200.
- If you have a good looking teenage daughter who is willing to work in Washington D.C. as an intern this summer, and who knows how to keep quiet, you will receive an additional $2500 ($3000 for blondes).
Note: Persons receiving rebates who do not vote for the incumbents this November will receive an IRS audit.