Written by Jay Bacon
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Friday, 25 January 2008

image for John Travolta To Be Honored At 'Cheap Son of a Bitch' Banquet
Some John Travolta fans

DETROIT, MICHIGAN - Tight wads unite! John Travolta is taking reign as the cheapest son of bitch for 2008 and they are recognizing his contributions at a cheap convention to be held at a very cheap banquet hall located in Detroit, Michigan.

Upon recent news of Heath Ledger's tragic death, the star of such hits such as: Look Who's Talking, Grease, and Pulp Fiction stated that he would give away all of his awards in the hopes that it would resurrect the talented young actor. After a thorough background check on all of Travolta's awards, it was discovered that he has one Golden Globe.

Area cheap bastard, Paul Wilkins agreed with Travolta's promise to give all of his 'awards' away if Ledger came back.

"I think its great John would give away his one single Golden Globe award in the hopes that Heath Ledger would come back. I would too. I would give away my key chain to bring him back. I might even give away my Playstation One to bring him back, maybe. I might do that. Maybe not. I don't know. I have to review how much it's worth first."

The multi-million dollar actor is known for his exuberant generosity and his concern for other people in this world. In early 2007, Travolta gave a whopping $15,000 to Florida tornado victims.

"I gave New Orleans's victims $10." candidly states area frugal fuck, Gary Dennison "That's enough. I don't even know these people, I mean seriously. Good for John for wanting to give away his plastic trophy. I would too. I'm actually saving my T-Ball trophy I got back in '86 and am planning to give it away with the next natural disaster. I am sure there is somebody out there who not only lost everything, but also lost their 1986 T-Ball trophy. I'll supply that for them."

The 'Cheap Son of Bitch' banquet will be held in April and will only invite two people and processed cheese will be the appetizer along with ground round for main entrée. Admission is one dollar which can be split into one or two quarters per person.

The plaque will be a Post-It written in pencil noting Travolta's civil and humanistic contributions in a quick and abbreviated fashion as to save lead.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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