Washington, D.C - Once again doing its part to help the America consumer in his or her time of need, the American and international food and consumer goods manufacturing conglomerates unite to combat inflation by serving smaller portions and reducing packaging sizes at restaurants and stores across America. It is expected that the tactic will fool unsuspecting Americans into believing that their Federal Reserve is successfully controlling inflation, while the more realistic businessman hedges his bet against it.
"We had no choice but to serve smaller portions and reducing packaging sizes," said a spokesman for the international food and consumer goods manufacturing conglomerates. "They're the only tools we have to hide inflation from the American consumer."
In deed, the unsuspecting American consumer is charged the same price for goods and services and receives smaller serving portions and reducing packaging sizes instead.
However, some economists say it is an illusion that will not last. Sooner, or later, the American consumer will wake up and see what is really going on. Or, at the very lest, just delay the onset of inflation.
"We are betting on way later," said Willard Millhouse. "Because that's when gas inflation kicks in helping to keep the American consumer in a perpetual confused state of mind. They simply will not know where their money went. They will be asking themselves for months to come: 'Did I spend it on food or the gas in the tank?' But most will not notice it, or at least care enough to sit down and figure it all out."
"It true," said Mat Gomez. "Just this week I had to make several trips back and forth to the grocery store to replace items it usually takes two weeks to exhaust. Between all the gas I've been using to drive to the store and back home, I can't tell where more of my money went: into the gas tank or the shopping cart. So I just go home and get into an argument about money with my wife. It won't matter anyhow, we'll probably file for divorce over it anyways."
"That's great!" says Millhouse. "A sudden upward spike in the divorce rate is just the break we were expecting to help stimulate consumer spending."
Because an increased divorce rate during economic hard times is as predictable as they come, say economists. Generating even more demand for goods and services, putting pressure on consumers to spend their way out of a recession out of necessity rather than enticement.
"Hey, don't get me wrong. I got a heart," said Millhouse. "It's too bad that some families will breakup, creaking under the economic pressure. But like the old saying goes, 'You can't make an omelet without breaking a couple of eggs."