President George W. Bush spent the day at Walter Reed Hospital having himself cloned. Doctors say that the "carbon copies" will gestate and be full size and ready to leave their test tube environment by late October.
The new Bush family members will retain all of the memories of their father up until the time that his DNA was taken for the procedure. This means, according to Dubya, that they will be "fully capable of being the next several Presidents of these United States."
"There isn't going to have to be any transition or awkward time for a new President to come into office. It will be smoothless and seamless, just like when I started my second term."
"I had my lawyers look it up and it don't say in the constitution that my clone can't be President next. I figure to stay on as his Chief of Staff to advise him of everything that he missed this year, since there's lots of important things he'll miss out on in his test tube."
"I'll educated him who won the Super Bowl and American Idol and all the important stuff."
"After he's in there for eight years, we'll move on to the next clone (who'll serve as his Vice President, of course). I figure that I ought ta be good fer lots of clones. When I get really old, they can clone the clones and I can stay in office forever."
When asked what would happen if the Republican Party failed to give him the nomination or if the American People failed to vote for him, Bush just laughed. "Son," he said, "there's right now about 300 million folks in the country. By election time, there's gonna be just over 601 million, and half of 'em will be clones of me and Laura. I don't thing anyone is votin' me outta office any time soon."