NARCISSUS, Nev. - In the field of candidates for the 2008 presidential election, some are looking for a clear winner. For one person, that search is over.
New York Senator Hillary Clinton made a startling announcement today, narrowing the array to a single presidential hopeful. "After much soul searching," Clinton said, "I believe the American people can get behind one person: me. Which is why I am giving my endorsement for the '08 election to myself." She was then exposed to a barrage of questions from reporters, some of which were not even planted by her campaign.
Explaining why she picked herself the Senator stated: "When I was a little girl I used to watch the Miss America pageant and I knew that I wanted to be Miss America. But then I found out that Miss America doesn't really get to rule America so I thought 'I guess I should run for president then.'
"Now that I'm older, wiser, and more experienced, I believe I am suited to do that job. And as a bonus, I have a talent in case there is a talent competition. Watch - I can swallow my own fist. Ee? I ha wa ih akes hoo hee ha oo ess huahident! Hihahee in au eight!"
She was met by a loud applause from the crowd, and unbiased members of the media. However, the press conference ended abruptly due to fears of a swimsuit competition.
by Walt Urnative