It was announced today by Mike Huckabee, former governor of Arkansas, and Republican Presidential Candidate that Mike Tyson, former boxing world champion and Tonya Harding, past world class figure skater, have joined his growing list of noteworthy icons. These latest two illustrious talents join the likes of Chuck Norris and Ric Flair who have given Huckabee their unwavering and unflagging support.
Huckabee, from one of his campaign stops in Texas had this to say. "These two really famous people, who are born again Christians bring a lot of clout and have millions of fans world wide. Plus they are really going to do a good job for me as enforcers of Biblical punishment that I have to order on my detractors from time to time." When asked about their somewhat tainted pasts Huckabee said "Well I rebaptized them last night in a stock tank just outside of Junction, Texas, just to give em a good cleansing. And they are you know, rebirthed, and they have pledged not to break any legs or chew off anyone's ears unless it be ordained by me."
One reported asked about other celebrities that might join Huckabee's entourage and he said "My Jesus people are courting many others and we want to be diverse and be able to reach out to our political flocks and multitudes, and get the very best. So, we are pretty sure we have Michael Jackson, O.J. Simpson, Scooter Libby, and rap singers M & M and Cool Iced Tea, as well as Donald Trump."
Huckabee ended the impromptu presser by saying "I am demonstrating that I have really good ideas, especially about changing that heathen reading US Constitution, escalating the War on Terror™, and putting foot washing and speaking in tongues, in all US schools and not just in Arkansas."