Santa MonicaLewinsky, Ca - (Fund-a-mental Mess): A TV poll about god-squad epidemology has identified the United States as the global epicenter of superstitious psychosis.
The news follows reports that a recent merger of Eighth Day Adventist splinter factions, tearaways from the Order of the Solar Temporal Lobe, militant stem cell research-opposing former Branch Davidians, United Reformed Southern Baptist Snake Charmers (Little Rock, Clinton Chapter) sphincter groups and an assorted ragbag of disillusioned Moonies has regrouped under the aegis of the Beverly Hills Daughters of Freeloading Scientology Molestors.
The cult has applied for permission to affiliate with Scotland's Stornoway Social Workers' Exorcism Collective under the united banner of the Universal (Pictures) Eastern Rite.
Some reports claim the new cult's prime directive is to select a White House 2008 candidate to run in the Sunday Silence colors of ex-George W Bush bagman and former US Ambassador to the Court of St James's William Stamps Farish III, ie. yellow.
Membership of the quasi-spiritual organization depends on a credit-rating and social security check, caliber of body tattoos and willingness to tithe 10% of moral probity on an anal basis.
Tom Cruise is 69.